you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
