you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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