My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
