You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
