I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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