I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
