if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
