He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
