i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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