that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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