he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
