The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
