Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
