I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
