Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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