he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
