At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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