Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
