I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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