12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
