She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize