I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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