my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my moral compass just broke
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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