it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
