The maid of honor just puked.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
