I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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