he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
