Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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