Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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