He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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