I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
