i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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