She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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