No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
