i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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