well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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