I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
