Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
