I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
how does that bad decision feel?
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