peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So squirting runs in the family.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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