I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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