If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
