he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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