I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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