Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
