Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
