I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
