conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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