We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think my moral compass just broke
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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