There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
