So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We have started to decorate penises.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
