We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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