Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We don't watch enough power rangers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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