I hope mine doesn't look like that
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
