i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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