If i come over, it means nothing
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
