actually, I'm a sock model
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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