If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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