She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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