I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You work out of a Hotel?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
