so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
