I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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