My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Buhtt sex?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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