they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
