Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
